


Je Ne Sais Quoi (" I don't know what.")

by centrenmin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Minor Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, jaemin is also bad at feelings, renjun is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-15 16:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centrenmin/pseuds/centrenmin
Summary: Renjun and Jaemin has a weird relationship where no one could honestly tell if they are 'just friends', enemies or lovers. Both feels comfortable with each other even in a deafening silence. Whenever one feels troubled, he will go straight to the other to seek for comfort. Arguments that leads to exchange of harsh words happens almost in the daily basis of their lives, but, at the end of the day, everything ends up either with their hands intertwined or their limbs tangled under the blankets. No words other than " Don't leave. " is spoken.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first renmn fic i'm going to share, and this is honestly making me feel somewhat anxious because I haven't posted any of the drafts I have been writing in such a long time.

Their lips were so close,  _so close_  that if one of them dares to move a single muscle, their lips would touch. Jaemin knows better to stay still, even if he's dying to feel the other's lips against his because he knows,  _he fucking knows_  that one wrong move could be the end of everything that was going on between them; he doesn't know why that thought scares him. 

  


  


" Jaemin, " the older whispered softly, lips lightly touching the corner of the younger's lips, making him shudder. 

  


  


Jaemin inhales sharply, his grip to his self-control is slowly slipping away just because of that slightest contact. Few more push to his buttons and he's about to go nuts, no shit. 

  


  


_'Keep it together, Jaemin. He's just testing you. This is just one of his small stupid tests. You've come so far, you can't fail, you can't-'_

  


  


" Na Jaemin. " Renjun whispered once more, this time with a peck on his chin. 

  


  


Well damn, he's already too weak to fight the urge to give in. He's been holding back for far too long and now, he's had enough.

  


  


Jaemin leans forward, lips softly crashing on the older's; All the unidentified feelings he was trying so hard to bury inside starts coming out all at once. 

  


  


_The only thing he'll ever regret later is stopping himself from doing this before._  



	2. First encounters: Before the storm of confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's funny, really. Whenever Jaemin recalls the first time they met, it always leave him wondering how they ended up in their current situation where he feels as if he's free to do anything-- everything, with Renjun but at the same time, every action he could make are limited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my lovely Athena ♡. I think this is messy because I left out some things, so I'd like hear your thoughts about this chapter and I would really appreciate it if you'll give me tips on how to improve my writing skills.

 

If you're going to ask Na Jaemin and Huang Renjun's circle of friends about what's really going on between them, they would tell you that they honestly have no idea right away. Don't get them wrong, they are happy that the two seem to get along pretty well, but then again, there was something about those two that makes them feel like they hated each other's guts at some points. It might not look that complicated at first glance, but when you get to observe Jaemin and Renjun's actions toward each other even just for a day, it will probably leave your mind a mess; Figuring out their relationship is almost as hard as trying to solve a mathematical equation that has an undefined answer. None of their friends really know how they ended up like that, not even Jaemin's closest friend, Jeno, or Renjun's bestest friend, Chenle. Neither does Donghyuck, Mark and Jisung.

 

It's funny, really. Whenever Jaemin recalls the first time they met, it always leave him wondering how they ended up in their current situation where he feels as if he's free to do anything--  _everything_ , with Renjun but at the same time, every action he could make are limited. 

 

                                                                                              

 

"  _Huang Renjun_. " the name rolls on Jaemin's tongue weirdly smooth.

 

" What? What about Chenle's bestfriend? " Jeno asks, picking up all the books and papers that were scattered everywhere on the floor of their shared apartment. They had crammed for the first short exams last night and it was terrible.

 

The other boy shrugs, " I don't know, I just find the name quite amusing. "

 

To be honest, Jaemin wanted to celebrate because finally,  _finally,_ he now knows the older chinese's name. Nobody knew that he and Renjun met before Chenle- a year younger than him, Jeno and Donghyuck- who became friends with them because of Jisung, had introduced the other chinese boy to them this morning, that's their little secret.

 

 

 *****

They first met at a small convenience store near the apartment complex where he and Jeno, one of his close friends, currently lives. Renjun couldn't sleep that night even though he was really tired from the journey of travelling from his home country to this foreign one. He decided to take a walk rather than bothering his already sleeping bestfriend. Jaemin on the other hand, has his stomach growling and begging for food at 2 am and he couldn't just ignore it, so he decided to have some noodles.

 

_The store doesn't have any other customer except the two of them that night. Jaemin was about to eat his noodles when a small tap on his shoulder startles his soul almost out of his body._

_" Can I sit here with you? Don't worry, I won't bother you. " the boy is smaller than him, and his voice is soft like cotton._

_" S-sure. " he replied, mentally slapping himself for stuttering._

_The boy plugged his earphones in his ears and he starts munching some potato chips while scrolling through his phone. Jaemin wasn't paying attention to the food his stomach badly needs anymore, the small boy sitting across him seemed more interesting. He had not realized he's been staring at the other boy for too long, so when the boy decided to look up from his phone, his eyes met Jaemin's. Jaemin felt weak all of a sudden. The boy smiled a little, making his stomach clench at the cuteness._

_He usually doesn't get affected over things like this since tons of people at his school does almost anything to get his attention. This boy in front of him didn't even do anything big yet, but guess what, he's already hooked._

_"Do I have something on my face? Or is there something that you want to say? " the boy asked, removing his earphones and settling his phone on the table._

 

 _The taller's cheeks heated up in an instant. He shakes his head and stares down at his noodles._   ** _Damn, I forgot I was hungry._**

 

_He clears his throat and looked at boy as he tries to compose himself, " Sorry for uh, staring. It's just that you look like you're not from here. "_

_" I'm from China. "_

 

 _" Ohh, just like Chenle. "_   ** _Shit, I'm not supposed to say that out loud-_**

 

_The boy's face lit up, " You know my bestfriend?! "_

_Jaemin raises an eyebrow, " Wait, you're best friends with Zhong Chenle? "_

_" Yeah! Since we're in elementary. "_

_" How come you're so good at speaking korean while Chenle still struggles to understand and speak the language? "_

_The Chinese male smiles, " Well, my family's ethnicity is actually Korean, and I've been speaking it since I was in fourth grade. "_

_Jaemin smiles back, " I haven't met any foreigners who could speak korean really well. You are amazing! "_

_The boy chuckles softly, " Oh, don't flatter me too much. "_

 

_" Excuse me for asking but, what are you doing at a convenience store at this kind of hour? "_

_" Eating? " the boy then points at the chips in front him, " Kidding, I couldn't sleep. I honestly thought I'd be dead as soon as I get to Chenle's apartment considering I hadn't slept properly last night or even took a nap during the flight. "_

_Jaemin's eyes widens, " You just came here today? Like today?? " his voice went higher than usual, it even cracked a little._

_The smaller nodded, " Uh-huh, about 4 hours ago. I couldn't believe it either. I'm going to live in a different country now, it makes me a bit nervous. "_

 

" _Well, South Korea is great, especially because I'm here. " Jaemin grins widely and winked at him._

_The other boy stares at him for a second, then frowns " I suddenly want to go back to China. "_

_" Hey! You're lucky enough to even meet me. "_

_The boy reached for his phone and pretends to type, " Gotta tell my parents there's a weird kid here. I hope they could get me back as soon as possible. "_

_Jaemin pouts, " That's not even a valid reason for them to take you back. "_

_The smaller shrugs, " Seems enough reason for me though. "_

 

_"I can't believe I'm talking to a foreigner who speak korean very well at 2:55 in the morning. "_

_" I can't believe you're eating noodles at 2:55 in the morning. "_

_" Don't judge my stomach! "_

_The boy tilts his head a little and god, Jaemin finds that c u t e,  " Are you even eating that though? I think it's gotten cold because you're just staring at it. "_

_" I like to eat it cold instead of burning my tongue. " he reasons._   ** _It's because you distracted me._**

 

_" And uhh, don't you have classes later? I think it's already Monday. "_

_" I can sleep during history and chem, so it's not much of a big deal to lose some hours of sleep. What about you? Are you going to school later? "_

_"Some of my transferee papers are still not fixed yet. I'm enrolling at Chenle's school and I'm quite excited to go to the same school with my bestfriend again. "_

_" Look who's in so much luck! ", Jaemin sneers, " You're about to go to the same school with the most awesome person you just met! "_

_" Oh god. I'm doomed. "_

_The taller purses his lips, " Too bad we're not in the same year level. I would love to be your classmate. "_

 

_The boy gives him a confused look, " Not in the same year level? So, I suppose you're a senior? "_

_" Nope, I'm a junior. You're a sophomore like Chenle, right? "_

_" Oh my god, " the boy huffs and points a finger at him, " I can't believe you actually thought I'm still a kid! I feel insulted. "_

_Jaemin chokes a laugh, " Hold up, y-you're a junior? "_

_" What do you think? " the boy raises a brow at him, disbelief painted all over his pretty face._

_Jaemin bursts into laughing, " In all honesty, you look like you just graduated from elementary. "_

_The boy glowers at him, " Fun fact, I punch people I don't know, especially if they really deserve it. "_

_" I'm sorry, " he laughs again, " it's just so funny. "_

_" You know what, you should head back to where you came from and sleep. Your braincells must be dying. "_

_This time, they both laughed. The Chinese male told him that they should finish up their food before before leaving. Random topics started popping out of nowhere as they eat, small giggles echoing through the whole place; the sleepy clerk shakes her head at them for disturbing her nap. They headed out of the convenience store together, hands tucked in their own hoodies as the cold wind of the early morning blows against their face._

 

_The smaller boy looks at him and smiled for the nth time, " Well, it was fun talking to you, and now I'm actually feeling a bit sleepy. "_

 

_Jaemin smiled back, for the nth time too, " Yeah. I guess I'll see at school then? "_

_The boy frowns, " Unfortunately. "_

_" Hey! "_

_They both giggled._

_" Goodmornight? "_

_" Goodmornight. "_

 

_They both waved their hands goodbye to each other, but as soon as they realized they were walking the same path, they both gave it each other a questioning look. They stayed quiet while walking, waiting for one of them to change direction, but neither of them did. When they stopped in front of a slightly tall building adorned with small lights at the entrance, they turned to look at each other._

_Jaemin was the first to ask, " Don't tell me you live in the same apartment complex as I am? "_

_" Don't tell me you didn't know Chenle lives in the same apartment complex as you do? " the Chinese boy asks back._

_Jaemin's eyes grew big at that and gave the smaller a pleading look, " Please don't tell him that! He'll scream at me! "_

 

_The boy shakes his head, " You're unbelievable. "_

_They entered the building and rode the elevator together, both with a warm smile plastered on their face._

_" Well, this is our floor. " the elevator stops at the 4th floor and the boy steps out, " Don't tell Chenle that I already met one of his friends, okay? Goodnight. " he waves his hand at him for the last time._

_" Sure thing! Goodnight. "_

_When the door closes, Jaemin felt the urge to hit his own head when he realized that he didn't ask for the boy's name nor did he gave his._

 

***

The day after their meeting at the convenience store, they met again. This time, it was at the rooftop of their apartment building. Jaemin usually hang out there whenever he feels like wanted to be alone.

 

_When he opened the door, he immediately spots a certain chinese boy sitting at the edge of the rails, feet swaying back and forth. He looks like he's enjoying the warm air of the afternoon brushing against his skin. Jaemin quietly walks behind him and does the plan he just thought of._

 

_" HEY. "_

 

 _The boy almost,_   ** _almost_**   _fell off the rails. If it wasn't for Jaemin's quick instinct of wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's waist (which by the way, fits perfectly), his body would've been laying on the ground with his guts splattered everywhere. The taller could feel the other's heart beating loudly and he feels very bad for causing it in wrong way. The boy turned his head around and sighs in relief when he sees a familiar face._

 

_" If you're trying to kill me, at least think of something else than throwing me off a building. I hate falling down. "_

 

_Jaemin smiles apologetically, " I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you so much. "_

 

_The boy smiled back, " It's okay, I didn't die. "_

 

_As much as he hates it, Jaemin removes his arms around the Chinese's waist and rests them on the railings instead._

 

_" Why are you hanging out here alone? "_

 

_The way he purses his lips makes the taller stare at him, " Chenle has a basketball practice and I'm bored, so I went here to have some fresh air. "_

 

_" Oh, right. "_

 

_There was a moment of silence between them, only the sound of the cars passing by could be heard. Jaemin finds this comforting; he closes his eyes and let his mind fall at ease._

 

_" I saw my life flash right in front of my eyes when I almost fell. "_

 

_The taller's eyes flew open and he snorts at himself, " Ugh, I shouldn't have done that. I feel ten times more guilty now. "_

 

_The smaller boy chuckles softly, " Hey, I told you it's fine. You didn't let me fall, so I'm all good. "_

 

_" I still feel very bad... "_

 

_" Are you scared of falling down? "_

 

_Jaemin hums, surprisingly not taken aback by the sudden question, " The thought of falling and wondering what's at the bottom waiting for you- it's scary. "_

 

_" Wow, you uttered my exact thoughts. "_

 

_" It's because I'm your destiny. " Jaemin winks at him then laughed._

 

_The boy rolls his eyes at him, " I shouldn't have said that. "_

 

_Jaemin looks at the sky and let's out a heavy sigh, " I go here whenever I want to breathe from people."_

 

_" You also think they're suffocating, huh. "_

 

_The korean boy nods, " Who doesn't? I mean, I think everyone needs to breathe out and have some alone time sometimes. "_

 

_" Can I come here when I want to breathe too? "_

 

_The taller smiles at him, " You don't have to ask me, you know. I don't own this building. I'm quite curious why no one goes here though. It's always been me here. "_

 

_" Maybe they don't know the rooftop exists? "_

 

_" Maybe.  "_

 

_" Well, I think I need to go now. "_

 

_Jaemin's neck almost snapped at his direction, " Why? "_

 

_The Chinese boy gets off the railings and now he's standing in front of Jaemin, " Well, you came here. I suppose you needed to breathe, just like what you said about why you come here. "_

 

_" You don't have to leave, I'm comfortable with you. "_

 

_" But you need- "_

 

_" Don't leave, please. "_

 

_That night, Jaemin came back to their apartment room with a blinding bright smile, until he remembers he forgot to ask the Chinese boy's name, again. He slaps himself this time, for real._

 

 ***

They met again the next day. Jaemin disappeared from the classroom right after the bell rang, leaving Dongyuck and Jeno confused.

 

_He is practically bouncing on his way to their apartment's rooftop, unable to contain the excitement he was feeling to see the interesting chinese boy that he had promised to hang out with today after school. His smile grew wide when he opened the door leading to the rooftop and found the boy leaning his back against the wall with his phone on his hand._

 

_" Did you miss me? " Jaemin whispers as he slides down to sit beside the boy._

 

_" Not really. I was quite happy before you came, but now, " he looks at him with a frown sewn on his face, " my peaceful world is disturbed. "_

 

_Jaemin flicks his forehead, earning a hiss from the smaller boy, " Com'on, I know you're bored to death before I came. "_

 

_He sighs and smiled in defeat, " Yeah, you're right. "_

 

_" What shall we do today, hm? "_

 

_" I don't know, maybe you could tell me stories about yourself. "_

 

_" HEY! "_

 

_The Chinese male touched his ears and glares at him, " Holy fudge. For someone whose voice is as deep as marianas trench, you surely are a screamer. "_

 

_Jaemin ignores him and continues to talk in high-pitch, " I remembered something very important! "_

 

_" What? "_

 

_" We haven't introduced ourselves yet! "_

 

_The chinese raised a brow at him, " Does it matter? "_

 

 _Jaemin froze, nervousness enveloping his whole body._ **_'Does it matter?' ? Was it wrong for me to know him and for him to know me?_**

 

_" Yes? I mean, " he pauses to look at the boy briefly, " we don't know each other's name, it's like we're complete strangers who just happens to have taken a like with hanging out together. "_

 

_" But we're still comfortable, aren't we? "_

 

_" Huh? "_

 

_" Even though I don't know your name and you don't know mine, we still had interesting conversations. I think that's okay, for now. "_

 

 _All the things they had talked about last night starts flashing back in Jaemin's mind and he bites back a smile._   ** _Yeah, talking about the universe and the unfairness of life with you was very interesting._**

 

_" I guess you're trying to say, I don't need to know your name and you don't need to know mine, at least until you get officially introduced by your best friend? "_

 

_The boy gives him a soft smile as a reply. Jaemin wonders where the light that luminated his face, to make it seem like he's glowing, came from._

 

*****

They continued to meet every afternoon for a week. Every time Jaemin gets asked by his friends to join them after school, he'd quickly refuse with a smile, saying he already has plans. Little did he know, they began to grow suspicious. Donghyuck was the first one who pointed it out, but Jeno, being the observant friend he is, was actually the first one who noticed how weird his best friend was acting.

 

Whenever the school hours ends, he'd be the first one who bounces his way out of the classroom without even bothering to bid goodbye to his friends, but when Jeno comes home, Jaemin's nowhere to be found in their apartment. He always comes back at around 11 pm with a big smile plastered on his face. Also, it's rare to see Jaemin smiling in the morning, let alone greet back everyone who greets him. It got extra weird when Chenle told them one day during lunch, that his best friend who came from China is now living with him and that he'll introduce him to them once he starts going to their school, and Jeno swears he saw Jaemin smiled to himself; he decided to not point it out.

 

 

Until this very day, the boy showed up at the school as a new student. Chenle told them all to wait for them at the gate so they could enter the school together. It was hard to suppress a smile that's threaning to form on his lips when he saw a familiar small figure beside Chenle as they approach them. The boy offers them a small smile and introduced himself. They introduced themselves as well one by one and the Chinese boy gladly shakes their hand, but when it was Jaemin's turn, the boy stares at him a little long then turns to Chenle to whisper (but loud enough for him and the others to hear),  _" Why is your friend looking at me weirdly? "._ Donghyuck and Jeno bursts into laugher as they both patted Jaemin's shoulders and told him, " Dude, Renjun already thinks you're weird and he hasn't even hanged out with you yet. ". He glared at them and secretly gave the smaller boy a look of disapproval, Renjun only gave him an innocent smile in return.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Flashbacks in a flashback, yep  
> \- Some of the following chapters also contains flashbacks  
> \- Renjun transferred after the first 3 weeks of classes
> 
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


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